It's been a rough week and a half. As most of you have probably heard through the grapevine or seen in the news, a volunteer was killed last week here in Benin. It was a shock in so many ways that it left me numb for days, and of course confusion and fear and anger still linger on.
The first shock came of course just with the new that she had died, without any details about how or when. Kate was honestly one of the most inspiring, genuine, and loving people I have ever met. She was an English teacher who arrived the year before me and she spent 5 out of 8 weeks working with our group during training. For 3 of those weeks she was assigned to watch and guide me in model school. It was Kate who taught me how to be a teacher. Her compassion, patience, and wisdom were immeasurable, and of all my fellow volunteers here, I looked to her as the one who I could always rely on for an empathetic ear, a calming smile, and encouraging advice. Along with the recent, unexpected deaths of two close family friends at home, it's been hard for me to cope with the fact that people so full of love and life can so quickly disappear.
Beyond the grieving and sense of loss, the second shock came 24 hours later, when it was announced to us that her death was not an illness or traffic accident (as most of us had expected). Rather, we learned that she had been intentionally killed in her home. I still struggle to bring myself to use the word murder.
It was and is a shock because Benin is not a dangerous place. Dogbo is safer at night than the streets of Chicago, and I do feel very protected by my neighbors and community. As much as white foreigners might sometimes be high targets for pick-pockets in bigger cities, the truth is that 99% of people really watch out for us. I constantly even get childish warnings about crossing the street or eating random street food. Of course now I'm a little uneasy as I take my morning jogs or have my door open in the evenings, but I think it's only natural -- like getting back into a car after a bad accident.
We've been given permission to travel as we'd like to be with other volunteers or even interrupt our service to go home to the U.S. for a while, but I only wish to be at post and return to daily life in Dogbo. Yes, our trust has been broken and our sense of security deeply shaken, but I think for me personally the choice is to start rebuilding it as soon as possible. Many of us will never be the same, but if Kate were here and we'd lost someone else, she'd be the first to inspire hope and understanding, and the last to harbor anger or blame.
In an article posted on ABC.com, Kate's parents commented that Kate loved it here and they don't want anyone to look at West Africa as violent or dangerous. I admire them so much for the wisdom and courage it took to make such a statement, despite their tragic loss. But then, I would expect nothing less from the parents of such a wise and amazing young woman. My heart goes out to them, and all of her loved ones around the world. Please know that we grieve with you and I'll never forget how her eyes twinkled with her joy for living.
I'd also like to say thank you to everyone who has sent myself and the other PCVs in Benin so much support. Current and former volunteers all over the world have contacted myself and others to let them know that we are in their thoughts and prayers, and it's nice to know that although our Benin Peace Corps community is so hurt, the rest of the Peace Corps community is right there with us.
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5 comments:
Thanks for your words Kristin.
The families back here have been struggling too.
We feel tremendous sorrow for Kate and her family, fear for our children overseas and a sense of helplessness that we want to protect our children, even though that time has passed in our lives long ago.
You ARE all thought of every moment of every day.
And words like yours encourage us that a sense of peace can someday return.
Thinking of you, Mark Loehrke (Carly's dad)
I've been thinking about you every day and I wish you success as you continue your teaching. (Watch for mail from me!)
-Craig
Kristin,
We have been faithfully following your blog during your stay. This news is a great shock. You are doing the greatest work that can be done and are showing us what we all need to do to make this a far, far better place.
Please take care of yourself and write if you have time.
Jim and Val Lynch
jiml@eb5michigan.com
Kristin..I read all the articles about Kate and was overwhelmed with sadness. I think about you and wonder how you are, hoping and praying you're well. You are in my thoughts. -e
Kristin,
Thank you for your very thoughtful post. The PCVs and Kate's family have not been out of the thoughts and prayers of those of us at home since this stunning event, and we continue to be with you and support your work. I was at an International Conference for Teachers of English as a Second Language last week, and a speaker made this statement, which I think is so appropriate to your work. He said, "...we cannot afford to retreat into our bunkers,to retreat into our tribes. The only way for us is to step out and to work with those around us, across tribes, across cultures, langauges, religions, and nations. Our survival depends on it." The work that you do is bigger than any individual, and we pray for your success and safety.
Shari (Jessica's mom)
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