there really are no words...

It's been a rough week and a half. As most of you have probably heard through the grapevine or seen in the news, a volunteer was killed last week here in Benin. It was a shock in so many ways that it left me numb for days, and of course confusion and fear and anger still linger on.

The first shock came of course just with the new that she had died, without any details about how or when. Kate was honestly one of the most inspiring, genuine, and loving people I have ever met. She was an English teacher who arrived the year before me and she spent 5 out of 8 weeks working with our group during training. For 3 of those weeks she was assigned to watch and guide me in model school. It was Kate who taught me how to be a teacher. Her compassion, patience, and wisdom were immeasurable, and of all my fellow volunteers here, I looked to her as the one who I could always rely on for an empathetic ear, a calming smile, and encouraging advice. Along with the recent, unexpected deaths of two close family friends at home, it's been hard for me to cope with the fact that people so full of love and life can so quickly disappear.

Beyond the grieving and sense of loss, the second shock came 24 hours later, when it was announced to us that her death was not an illness or traffic accident (as most of us had expected). Rather, we learned that she had been intentionally killed in her home. I still struggle to bring myself to use the word murder.

It was and is a shock because Benin is not a dangerous place. Dogbo is safer at night than the streets of Chicago, and I do feel very protected by my neighbors and community. As much as white foreigners might sometimes be high targets for pick-pockets in bigger cities, the truth is that 99% of people really watch out for us. I constantly even get childish warnings about crossing the street or eating random street food. Of course now I'm a little uneasy as I take my morning jogs or have my door open in the evenings, but I think it's only natural -- like getting back into a car after a bad accident.

We've been given permission to travel as we'd like to be with other volunteers or even interrupt our service to go home to the U.S. for a while, but I only wish to be at post and return to daily life in Dogbo. Yes, our trust has been broken and our sense of security deeply shaken, but I think for me personally the choice is to start rebuilding it as soon as possible. Many of us will never be the same, but if Kate were here and we'd lost someone else, she'd be the first to inspire hope and understanding, and the last to harbor anger or blame.

In an article posted on ABC.com, Kate's parents commented that Kate loved it here and they don't want anyone to look at West Africa as violent or dangerous. I admire them so much for the wisdom and courage it took to make such a statement, despite their tragic loss. But then, I would expect nothing less from the parents of such a wise and amazing young woman. My heart goes out to them, and all of her loved ones around the world. Please know that we grieve with you and I'll never forget how her eyes twinkled with her joy for living.

I'd also like to say thank you to everyone who has sent myself and the other PCVs in Benin so much support. Current and former volunteers all over the world have contacted myself and others to let them know that we are in their thoughts and prayers, and it's nice to know that although our Benin Peace Corps community is so hurt, the rest of the Peace Corps community is right there with us.

Kitten surprise!

No....I didn't get a kitten...but I did find a suuuupppeerrr cute one in the back area of my postmate's house while she was on vacation. I went over to water the plants and when I opened the back door I almost had a heartattack when the little thing tried to hop into the house. I have no idea how it got there, because she has 8 feet high concrete walls and the kitten is literally so small I really doubt it could have gotten there itself. Especially since I went around asking all the neighbors if they had a cat or kittens and they all said No. So I think someone might have thrown it there knowing she has another cat and might keep it.

It fits in the palm of my hand and as you can see from the picture with Jasper it's tiny (and Jasper's gotten so big!) I'm not gonna lie, it's so cute that it took a lot of strength for me not to take it home and call it my own. But then I came to my senses and realized I've never had a cat and wouldn't have a clue what to do, and I also just had to remember how horribly stressful a new puppy was and then I got Jasper. Sooo....no kitten for me! I just kept visiting it everyday, bringing it food and water and I even gave it a bath. Kind of sad I won't be keeping it, but thank goodness she asked me to water her plants!

Sorry, I know that's not very interesting in terms of Benin and another culture and stuff...but it was the highlight of my week for sure :-). And the pictures of it with Jasper are just toooo cute!