there really are no words...

It's been a rough week and a half. As most of you have probably heard through the grapevine or seen in the news, a volunteer was killed last week here in Benin. It was a shock in so many ways that it left me numb for days, and of course confusion and fear and anger still linger on.

The first shock came of course just with the new that she had died, without any details about how or when. Kate was honestly one of the most inspiring, genuine, and loving people I have ever met. She was an English teacher who arrived the year before me and she spent 5 out of 8 weeks working with our group during training. For 3 of those weeks she was assigned to watch and guide me in model school. It was Kate who taught me how to be a teacher. Her compassion, patience, and wisdom were immeasurable, and of all my fellow volunteers here, I looked to her as the one who I could always rely on for an empathetic ear, a calming smile, and encouraging advice. Along with the recent, unexpected deaths of two close family friends at home, it's been hard for me to cope with the fact that people so full of love and life can so quickly disappear.

Beyond the grieving and sense of loss, the second shock came 24 hours later, when it was announced to us that her death was not an illness or traffic accident (as most of us had expected). Rather, we learned that she had been intentionally killed in her home. I still struggle to bring myself to use the word murder.

It was and is a shock because Benin is not a dangerous place. Dogbo is safer at night than the streets of Chicago, and I do feel very protected by my neighbors and community. As much as white foreigners might sometimes be high targets for pick-pockets in bigger cities, the truth is that 99% of people really watch out for us. I constantly even get childish warnings about crossing the street or eating random street food. Of course now I'm a little uneasy as I take my morning jogs or have my door open in the evenings, but I think it's only natural -- like getting back into a car after a bad accident.

We've been given permission to travel as we'd like to be with other volunteers or even interrupt our service to go home to the U.S. for a while, but I only wish to be at post and return to daily life in Dogbo. Yes, our trust has been broken and our sense of security deeply shaken, but I think for me personally the choice is to start rebuilding it as soon as possible. Many of us will never be the same, but if Kate were here and we'd lost someone else, she'd be the first to inspire hope and understanding, and the last to harbor anger or blame.

In an article posted on ABC.com, Kate's parents commented that Kate loved it here and they don't want anyone to look at West Africa as violent or dangerous. I admire them so much for the wisdom and courage it took to make such a statement, despite their tragic loss. But then, I would expect nothing less from the parents of such a wise and amazing young woman. My heart goes out to them, and all of her loved ones around the world. Please know that we grieve with you and I'll never forget how her eyes twinkled with her joy for living.

I'd also like to say thank you to everyone who has sent myself and the other PCVs in Benin so much support. Current and former volunteers all over the world have contacted myself and others to let them know that we are in their thoughts and prayers, and it's nice to know that although our Benin Peace Corps community is so hurt, the rest of the Peace Corps community is right there with us.

Kitten surprise!

No....I didn't get a kitten...but I did find a suuuupppeerrr cute one in the back area of my postmate's house while she was on vacation. I went over to water the plants and when I opened the back door I almost had a heartattack when the little thing tried to hop into the house. I have no idea how it got there, because she has 8 feet high concrete walls and the kitten is literally so small I really doubt it could have gotten there itself. Especially since I went around asking all the neighbors if they had a cat or kittens and they all said No. So I think someone might have thrown it there knowing she has another cat and might keep it.

It fits in the palm of my hand and as you can see from the picture with Jasper it's tiny (and Jasper's gotten so big!) I'm not gonna lie, it's so cute that it took a lot of strength for me not to take it home and call it my own. But then I came to my senses and realized I've never had a cat and wouldn't have a clue what to do, and I also just had to remember how horribly stressful a new puppy was and then I got Jasper. Sooo....no kitten for me! I just kept visiting it everyday, bringing it food and water and I even gave it a bath. Kind of sad I won't be keeping it, but thank goodness she asked me to water her plants!

Sorry, I know that's not very interesting in terms of Benin and another culture and stuff...but it was the highlight of my week for sure :-). And the pictures of it with Jasper are just toooo cute!

Send mail!

Friday, February 21st, 2009

To: Mr. Receiver of the Post of Dogbo

Object: Request for a Post Box

Mr. Receiver,

I have the honor of coming very respectfully to solicit from your high benevelonce, a post box in Dogbo.

In the hopes of a favorable follow-up, I want you to receive, Mr. Receiver, the expression of my distinguished sentiments.

Sincerely,

Kristin Sulewski

US Peace Corps Volunteer

This has been translated for your reading pleasure because when the lady at the post office told me I had to write a letter requesting a box, she gave me one from another man to copy and this is what I wrote. Of course I just copied and handed her the paper and she handed me right back a key. No clue who this "Mr. Receiver" is.

Anyway, the bigger news is that I got a post box in Dogbo! Here is my new address:

Kristin Sulewski

B.P. 124

Dogbo, Benin

Afrique de L'Ouest/ West Africa

Some people have already sent me stuff to my friend's box and it seems to work just as quickly as mail that goes to the capitol (both letters and packages...*hint hint*). Can't wait to hear from you!

long time no write...

I know, I know. Long time no write. A combination of writer's block, power outages, faulty internet connections, and bad moods is to blame. Coming back to Dogbo after the holidays was especially difficult. Two weeks filled with fun and lots of companionship made the return to post seem especially lonely and isolated. Moreover, I've been at post 5 months now and the truth is that the novelty is most definitely wearing off. The month of January was the realization that this is not some adventurous extended vacation. This is my life for the next 20 months. I don't mean that in a negative way, just that it's all pretty routine and mediocre nowadays. The big difference between here and home is not the 3 inch cockroaches or the 100 degree heat, it's the fact that I'm basically just alone -- a fact reinforced by my neighbors deciding to hate me and scream at me because of my dog. There hasn't been screaming in a few weeks, but now it's mostly the silent treatment. As awkward and unforunate as it is, Jasper is fantastic and he's not going anywhere.

Now that that major storm has passed, I'm in better spirits and able to sit down and write a non-angry or pessimistic blog for you :-) . Interestingly, life at school has really helped me get through my funk, both because it got me into a routine again and also because the kids actually seemed to be much better behaved after the holiday break. I'm happy to report that I feel like classes are going really well (well, 3 out of 4 anyway...one class continues to be uncontrollable and uninterested and they are quickly falling behind :-( ). As of this week the first semester is officially over, and the averages in all but the worst class were well above passing. I can't believe the year's half over!

And now for a blog worthy story- about two weeks ago, my first years were learning family vocabulary and I decided to bring in pictures of my own family. Not only was it a great reinforcing activity, but of course they were jumping out of their seats to catch a glimpse. I purposely started with the basics and moved up to what I knew would bring a big response. The parents were simple of course, and then many boys commented how they are going to marry my sister. On to the picture of the 4 siblings- my sister and my 3 brothers. Well, of course me standing next to a grown man..."Madame!!! Madame your husband?!?!?! Ooooooh" They were all yelling. As soon as I calmed them down and explained to their disappointment that these were my brothers, I brought out a picture of me and my nephew Michael. Uproar again. "Madame!!! Your son?!?!?!" No, no, no, I explained. Disappointed again. All in all they loved it and I enjoyed sharing with them.

Just as I was putting my pictures away, a very lovely boy by the name of Léonce raised his hand. Without any hesitation he said (in french), "Madame, madame, how come in all of your pictures from over there, you're so fat, and here you're so skinny?" He even used hand gestures to get his point across. Well, I just lost it and started laughing like crazy. The rest of the kids were laughing too, probably more at my reaction rather than his question. "You can't say that!!! You can't ever, ever, ever say that!!" I said, shaking my finger at him and still laughing. I explained that in our society thinner is considered better and it's very impolite to call someone fat. Of course being thin is the norm here in Benin due to diet and physical work, but being bigger is considered just as beautiful, if not more so. So, I explained that it's just due to a change in my food and because I exercise so much, and then I reminded all of them never to call a white person fat!!

(**note- while I didn't consider myself fat before, Léonce indeed is a very observant boy because I have lost over 20 lbs since arrival in Dogbo. I'm even shocked myself when I come across a mirror...)

Happy New Year!

OK...I know I haven't posted about Christmas and safari yet (which was amazing!!!), but since New Years was fresh on my mind I decided to write this one first!

After spending the week of Christmas surrounded by a bunch of yovos (white folks) I decided to celebrate New Years with my Beninese host family. It also provided me with an opportunity to go back and visit them for the first time since I left for post 4 months ago. Not really knowing what to expect, I mentally prepared myself for a potential 36 hours of boredom. Living with them for 2 months taught me that visiting extended family often means quietly sitting in front of the TV watching music videos with minimal conversation. Much to my pleasant surprise, this celebration was nothing like what I expected.

I arrived at my host sister's house around 8:30 pm on the 31st to find her and Maman busy in the kitchen and I anxiously began awaiting the arrival of the other guests. I assumed we'd have a big feast around 10 or 11 and then prepare for the big change at midnight. Turns out the other guests arrived at 2 and we started eating at about 4 am. Maman didn't even shower and change into her nice outfit until after 1.

In Benin, the entire celebration comes after midnight. Everyone stays at home with their more immedite family members until 12, and then they travel around visiting friends and family until the early hours of the morning. There is nothing resembling our anxious countdown clocks and huge parties before midnight (which makes so much sense now that I think about it, because time is such a fluid thing here and "being on time" at a certain hour doesn't really matter). At about quarter to 12 my sister passed out sparklers to the kids (there were about 6 including some visiting cousins), and much to my delight I got to play with them too!! I don't think I've touched a sparkler in about 10 years, but all the kids made sure that my hands were never empty. Shouting "Tata Kristin! Tata Kristin!" they sometimes were handing me two or three at a time. We were all so focused on the sparklers that I didn't even know when the clock changed to 12. A minute or two later someone said it and then a few fireworks started going off randomly around the city (no colors, just the big bang ones with white sparks). At some point my sister passed out sparkly masquerade masks and a few goofy hats, making for cute pictures and fun with the kids. One uncle even wore my sister's long-haired wig all night with goofy sunglasses. It made me smile to see the same type of family goofy-ness you see at home during the holidays.

Although I was beyond exhausted, all the playing with the kids helped pass the time until the guests arrived. Around 1:30 am Tata Kristin also had to take a little nap because I was so tired and of course the kids were not too happy about that. Anyway, our most important guest (Maman's big sister) did not arrive until about 3 am, so we had to wait for her to begin the feast. Before anything was ate or drank, her and Maman said a prayer for their ancestors and poured them a drink of alcohol into the ground. Then we had a pretty typical Beninese meal and when I headed to bed at 5:30 everyone was still hanging out on the patio.

While I may have been the first in bed, I was still the last to get up at 9 am. Of course there was another day long party to attend! We got the kids up and out, and I headed over with my sister around noon. It was at a cousin's house, and it was definitely the nicest house I've been in since I've been to Benin. Complete with a big kitchen, oven, fridge, and multiple bathrooms! I even got to ride in their new toyota to help pick up the whole roasted goat she had catered. Well, basically the whole afternoon was spent eating tons and tons of delicious food (including the delish chocolate cake I baked at home and brought along for them), dancing to everything from American hip-hop to traditional Beninese drums, blowing up crazy huge balloons, wearing more goofy sunglasses, and of course drinking plenty of alcohol. One of my favorite parts was just after dusk when the little girls invited me up to the balcony to tell stories. They told all sorts of things and I told the Little Mermaid. (Note- when you start telling a story in Benin, instead of "once upon a time", you say "my story rolls, rolls, rolls, and lands on..." and then you say the name of the main character). All in all it was pretty fantastic and it really made me feel like part of the family. When it comes down to it, the Beninese know how to party, and when I was ready to leave the morning of the 2nd at 9 am to head back to post, they were all still sleeping...

Break!!!

I'm officially on "winter" break. Ha, yea right. It's hotter than ever right now, and I wish I could just touch some snow. But they tell me we'll have about 15 days of cool Harmattan winds in January before the long hot season kicks in. Harmattan has actually already started up North (where I'll be travelling for Christmas and safari!!), so I guess I'll get a little break for the holidays.

So, two weeks before the break we had a week long of exams. All classes are cancelled and students take one of two tests per semester in every subject which will count for 1/3 of their grade. While there are no classes, professors are still expected to come in to "proctor" exams. I put the word proctor in quotes here because in the Beninese context it's a very loose term really only obliging the professor to pass out and collect the tests. I often saw professors standing outside of adjoining classes chit-chatting or walking 10 mintes to the admin building if they were one copy short and had already passed out the tests. Not exactly a strict no-cheating policy.

Given this set of circumstances you can imagine the incredible resistance and disrespect I received when I went in there and actually demanded quiet and watched them like a hawk for 2 hours. There's no pre-assigned proctor schedule (you just show up and take the set of tests at the top of the stack), so I proctored classes from 1st to 4th year. The older they got the more infuriated they were with me. When I told them they couldn't turn the test over until everyone had one they started screaming. I explained that's what's fair and some of them actually agreed and calmed down, but the others just kept protesting. Then I wouldn't even start passing them out until I had silence which just got them screaming again. Twice another (male) professor stopped in asking if I wanted help to which I replied "no", knowing they'd just take the stack and tell the chatty kids to take one and pass it, thus undermining all of my efforts.

Despite immense frustrations, the week turned out to be incredibly rewarding because I realized that my own students do actually respect me more than I thought they did. For both levels that I teach (1st and 2nd) I was tasked with writing the exams that all students in that level would take simultaneously. Given that the school's secretary doesn't speak English, she typed up my handwritten copy with numerous errors and so I had to go into each class and write and explain corrections on the board during the exam. I can't even describe how refreshing it was to walk into my own classes! For one, their faces all lit up and they seemed encouraged by me stopping by. But even better, in my own classes I actually got quiet when I reminded them talking was cheating, whereas elsewhere I was only greeted with laughter. Other classes wouldn't be quiet (nor would their proctors make them) and often would ask me ridiculous questions just so others could keep chatting.

Beyond the fact that my classes do actually moderately behave for me (respectively, anyway), the average grade in all of my classes was above the passing grade of 10 out of 20! In Benin, this is considered a success. Three classes had an average between 10 and 11, and the fourth was 12.6 (clearly an exceptionally bad proctor, there's no way that's feasible...). Generally, I was really happy and I'll admit pleasantly surprised with how it all turned out. Right after break we'll have to hit the ground running, though, because the 2nd set of big exams is in 3 weeks and then it's the end of the semester. Crazy how time flies! January 1st I will have been gone 6 months already!

Anyway, another cute story- this past week I taught all of me classes Jingle Bells and all about our Santa Claus. It was hilarious when I asked them where Père Noel (Santa in French) lives, because they all started naming the bigger cities of Benin and then arguing over who was right. Then some of them said he comes the day of Dec 25, while others said he visited the night of the 24th. So clearly there isn't really a solid story around his existence here in Benin, and I don't know if children ever actually think he's real. Anyway, when I explained that he lives at the North Pole with children-like elves with pointed ears I know at least half of them thought I was serious. Then I told them how he flies around the world and lands on everybody's rooftops (which led me to have to explain what a chimney is). I think (and hope) that by the end they knew it's just a story, but I guess you never know... Then they all asked for Christmas presents to which I explained that in the US it's the students who give the teachers presents. A couple offered to bring me some moonshine but the rest just said no.

Me blowing out my birthday candle at our awesome 80s bash! (note the sweet prom dress in the background)

AHHHH I'm so frustrated...I had this plan to upload a couple of random pictures but one takes so long that it turns out to be only one because I have to go now.

So instead of another random pic, I'll give you a random piece of information about Beninese culture- It is completely culturally acceptable to pick your nose. More than a few times I've been in a conversation with another adult and they totally stick their finger right up their nose. When I call on kids in class they always stand to answer, and sometimes they stand up and start picking their nose right in front of everyone. At first I was so tempted to laugh, but little by little I'm getting used to it. It's still so funny to think about in general though, and if I start picking my nose all the time when I get home you'll know why...:-)